I Have a Dream...

Not to make light of Martin Luther King Juniors dream, it was a righteous one, but I too have a dream. I long for a few days without a set schedule and no responsibilities. I think it's what some might call a "vacation". I would love to get away from my house and be able to sleep in, take a bath, watch movies, read, take walks, and just sit around to my hearts content. Maybe it's the time of year, being all cooped up inside, bored of looking at the walls. More likely it's the dull drum routine of watching kids and trying to keep a house in order from the crack of dawn to the dark of night. I've had a few nights away in the last few months, but I honestly can't remember the last time I had a true vacation. December of '04? Over the last few years when I HAD paid vacation time it was spent taking care of my kids because they were sick or because we didn't have daycare. I might have taken a DAY to run errands and maybe do one selfish thing like shop or lay outside in the sun for an hour. Is it just that, selfish, to want a few days all to myself? Do other people take/have time? I know I'll get myself in trouble if I say single people have a vacation everyday. The grass is always greener, right? (I don't want any nasty e-mails, I glad to be married, most days). I would like to blame Tommy for my lack of time, but I know he would say "GO". However, discussing time with him would be like... "Leave! But Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays until 8 don't work for me and neither do Saturdays during the day. So go ahead and take Friday after 8 and then Saturday after 4 (or as close to that as I can be home) and then we'll see you on Sunday for church, right?" Of course he can take off for days without worry. That's the other part of it. "Without worry". I know I could leave the kids and they would survive, but the house would be a different story. Is it worth taking a few days only to come home to have to work twice as hard to bring the house back in some kind of order (when I say "some kind", I mean with no dishes and somewhat picked up, I'm really not that picky.) Tommy's time with the kids usually consists of him sitting in front the the TV trying to play with them while watching his movie/game/show. Or he will run errands to NAPA for parts for something he's fixing. (Haylie screams "NAPA" whenever we pass a sign for the store.) I know, I'm a control freak!! I can't get everything my way and I will be miserable trying. I could probably take a month "off" and it still would not be enough. I doubt getting what I want would fulfill me and give me the rest I desire. I keep correcting myself and saying I need God, not necessarily time off. If God wants me to have time off, he'll provide it for me, and it probably won't be in a form I would expect "time-off" to look like. (Sorry for all the " ") I love my kids. They are beautiful and full of life. If only I could find joy in them and rest in God, not to mention peace with my husband, but that's a whole different desire.