To Love and Be Loved

Deuteronomy 15:10
Give generously to him and do so without a grudging heart; then because of this the LORD your God will bless you in all your work and in everything you put your hand to.

The passage is talking about debt and money but when I saw this on an old church bulletin from this summer the "giving" I was thinking about was a little different. Service, obedience and submission. Giving MYSELF, giving LOVE. Sometimes it is hard to love and sometimes it's hard to feel loved. Probably because I'm centered on SELF. Whatever I have I should be willing to give to others without worry of receiving it back. How loved we would all feel if we all functioned this way. There actually was an interesting article in O magazine (not usually a huge fan of Oprah, but...) about a love fast. http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200810_omag_love_fast

Mr. Claus and Mr. Brady (P)

Pre-Holiday Pictures (P)

Forget washing the clothes, I'm going right to the source!

yes, he is getting SO BIG and I'm getting SO STRONG!!

I know, dad gets all the good pictures with the kids, though he himself may look a little rough.

Going Home

I made my first venture down to Chanhassen since the lay off and got emotional driving down even though I didn't take my usual route. Did my workout at the club and then had lunch with a few people who still work there and a couple who don't. The conversation was good, nothing negative. The three who are still there were talking about the holiday functions coming up. That was harder to hear about than how busy they have been. I knew life would go on but now there is confirmation. A holiday party... My manager (yes I know, my "ex" manager) joked and said he felt wrong going. It's been a whole month now. I've been so busy at home that I have not had time to think about things. Ya, you're right, it's good. But it's also good to remember so the mourning process can be complete. I'm not needed. The things I did are not needed. I know things are messy but they will get better and I'm sure there are things falling through the cracks with no one to pick them up. They will survive without them. They have to. Tommy joked and said I should crash the holiday party. Almost not funny. Not really tempting. I would love to hear about it and not even how much we,who were all laid off, were missed. Guess I still want to be a part of it, even if I'm not. Wonder if and when that will pass. All I know is if I get a job again, I want to be needed. Then I think...my kids need me, my husband needs me. I'm grateful for that. Will it be enough? Where does God need me? I think if I know the answer to the last question, it WILL be enough.

A New Term

I think I'm going to start a saying called "Christmas Cramming". Why do all the good ideas, that take tons of time to put together, come to you at the last minute. Maybe it feels like the last minute because so few of my minutes are free. Now as the Christmas cards/photos start pouring in I begin to regret our decision (mainly mine, because Tom has very little involvement in it) to not send one out this year. I know I'm not the only one that faces this emotion. Last minute cards, gifts, decorations, parties, even premeditated ones...the heart is in the right place but it always snowballs out of control. Whether we simply don't want to leave anyone out or are trying to keep things "even", we want others to know that they are remember, thought of often and loved. If we (I) do get a card out this year I hope that that's the message that will be heard. I believe it's the message our Lord would want sent.

Thank You Miss Caroline (P)

A Christmas Story

From a forwarded e-mail:
A Christmas Story for people having a bad day
When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had finished off the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?'
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

It Is What It Was

I will make no excuses, I'm sure I drank more than God would have liked me to last night. So why did I do it? After eight and a half years I thought I owed my co-workers a drink (for me that is). They never pressured me, always accepted me for who I was. I don't care for alcohol all that much, don't like the "drunk" feeling, HATE the hangover and when it comes down to it, I would much rather eat my calories anyway. It was a nice time. A safe time. Still pretty sure I won't be doing that again for another decade or so (or never). Kind of like Haley's comet. If you missed it too bad...I'm sure there are plenty of pictures (damn it!) ;o) Tommy's always trying to get me to "let my hair down" and all I ever do is keep cutting it all off. Poor guy! ;o) Today...so far so good, surprisingly, after only 1 to 2 hours of horrible sleep. Maybe it will catch up with me. Who am I kidding, it will.

No Fear

Psalm 112:1 and 7
1Praise the LORD.
Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands.
7He will have no fear of bad news; his heart is steadfast, trusting in the LORD.

I think it was Monday night this week Tommy was up late working on business related paperwork. He never came to bed, he slept downstairs. He seemed deflated most of the next day. I can only imagine what inner struggles he's having and choosing, for whatever reason, not to share. My questions only got small nods and shrugs for answers. I have not been stressed about finances. Ignorance or faith, I'm not sure which is protecting me. Maybe both. ;o)
Today things seem to be better.