Going Home

I made my first venture down to Chanhassen since the lay off and got emotional driving down even though I didn't take my usual route. Did my workout at the club and then had lunch with a few people who still work there and a couple who don't. The conversation was good, nothing negative. The three who are still there were talking about the holiday functions coming up. That was harder to hear about than how busy they have been. I knew life would go on but now there is confirmation. A holiday party... My manager (yes I know, my "ex" manager) joked and said he felt wrong going. It's been a whole month now. I've been so busy at home that I have not had time to think about things. Ya, you're right, it's good. But it's also good to remember so the mourning process can be complete. I'm not needed. The things I did are not needed. I know things are messy but they will get better and I'm sure there are things falling through the cracks with no one to pick them up. They will survive without them. They have to. Tommy joked and said I should crash the holiday party. Almost not funny. Not really tempting. I would love to hear about it and not even how much we,who were all laid off, were missed. Guess I still want to be a part of it, even if I'm not. Wonder if and when that will pass. All I know is if I get a job again, I want to be needed. Then I think...my kids need me, my husband needs me. I'm grateful for that. Will it be enough? Where does God need me? I think if I know the answer to the last question, it WILL be enough.