Keeping Record of Wrongs

A women of integrity walked back into my life yesterday that I sadly had not seen for years. She was my aerobics coordinator from my days in the club. A no bulls**t kind of gal. Just in passing in the hallway yesterday, when I said I liked working for corporate she asked "why?". No surface crap for her. As much as I like that about her, it's scary. No place to hide. Great for management of a group fitness department that can come jam packed with drama.

Though this women and I were never super close, she was a voice of support and accountability for me while I was just beginning to learn what it meant to walk with God. (I'm of course still learning). In the midst of an icky struggle she reminded me that "Love does not keep record of any wrongs" (From 1Corinthians 13). She said that if she didn't confront a person about a grievance she had with them within 24 hours, she would wipe the slate clean, like an etch-a-sketch.

I need to remind myself that if I'm keeping record, creating a list of "charges" against someone, I'm not loving them. Man, it's hard to forgive like God does. I find myself just wanting to hold on. For what purpose, I don't know, all it helps me do is make them feel guilty or defensive. What about repeat offenders? God wants me to keep forgiving them? Wait, take the question mark out of that...God wants me to keep forgiving them. Not easy. But if it were me, I would want forgiveness without strings attached.

So why is it so hard to forgive? Why do I want punishment, the very thing I myself deserve and yet don't want? Is that what love is about? Is it my place to sit in judgement? I know the answers to all those questions and yet I still ask them. I guess all I can do is pray that God give me the same mercy and grace towards others that He gave me and then leave it up to Him. The next question...do I trust Him enough to leave it with Him? What choice to I have. I've already tried and failed my way, again and again...and again. Now who is the repeat offender? ;o)