A Whole Month!

I can't believe it's been a whole month since my last posting. Oh well. Busy with the holidays like everyone else. We're leaving for CA on the 25th for 11 days. Still a little unsure how we're going to afford it (tickets were free from Tommy's credit card). My mom and dad are heading to AZ for at least a couple of months. Hoping to go see them too (maybe finally use my frequent flyer points to fly me and the kiddos down, could be interesting, especially if Brady doesn't have a seat). Stella & Dot is slowly plugging along. Lots of people interested, no I should say EXCITED, to have trunk shows after the new year. Can't wait to see the what's going to be in the spring line being released January 15th. I hear a lot of turquoise. Had my one year anniversary since my layoff last month on the 17th. Got to hang with all my old co-workers. Doesn't feel all that different to me, wonder if they feel the same way. Haven't actually exercised more then a couple of times in the last month. Ran the Reindeer Run and could tell. I've needed to buy new running shoes for the last year. Still haven't bought them. Did finally get to tires for the car (had waited a year for those too). Tommy has been SUPER busy trying to maintain our income. Still don't know what the new year has to bring. Funny how that hasn't changed since this time last year and probably won't change next year either. Not planning on doing Christmas cards, but LOVE getting them from everyone else and wonder if we should just do it. Kiddos growing, attitudes too. Brady is finally putting words together, in his own little way. Just bought Brady the same size shoe that I bought Haylie this last summer. Haylie is almost 4! Very fun to talk to her as long as she's not trying to boss me around...or dad...or Brady...or.... Well that should sum it up. Will post pictures soon and will try to write more frequently.

The Competition

I've spent many years researching competition. Today I learned that my jewelry competition is much like the competitors LTF had in the health club market. The draw from the same pool...but not really.
A VERY last minute opportunity to set up a display at a Holiday Boutique at the Axle's restaurant in Loretto dropped itself in my lap Wednesday. Thursday night I set up shop and discovered how crazy an event like that is. It's hard to have one on one with people because they are "drive by" browsing. No time to get to know them, a totally different beast. ;o) It was fun and I got to know other women doing other direct sale businesses like mine. Round two of the Holiday boutique was this afternoon. I showed up late (because my husband was hunting) and didn't have a place to set up when I got there. A small table with food on it was cleared. Humbling. ;o) In the large spot I was in Thursday night was one of my competitors, Silpata. I've heard of them and seen some of their jewelry. Even though it is nice stuff and she had a good spread, I realized that we aren't really in the same league. Cool! I really love my Stella & Dot the same way I love LTF and believe in the product/company. In my mind there really is no competition. ;o)

The Wind Out of My Sails

My mother-in-law called in sick for her day with the kiddos tomorrow. It's a blow. Thankfully I got some stuff done already this week and Hayile will be at school while Brady naps, but I was really hoping to get out of here.

I was just thinking tonight how glad I am to be home with the kids but how quickly that changes when a free day disappears. I know I'm spoiled because I even have a free day.

People keep telling me how hard these years are when they are young. I believe there is light at the end of the tunnel but I don't even remember what it's like.

Now instead of the highlight of my day being with friends for lunch and visiting my cousins new baby, it will be the parents workshop at Haylie's preschool at 7pm and working out at the FD after. Not all bad I guess. I could still dress up for at least the workshop. Not so much for working out. ;o) I should be thankful we're not the ones sick. I'm sure our day is still coming.

I've been having fun with the Stella & Dot stuff, I'm excited, but it's hard waiting for things. My first party is not until November 14th and the next not until December 5th. There are still possibilities for others but they aren't on the calendar yet.

The Lord knows best and I'm trying to trust. I HAVE to believe it's all in his hands and should use this time wisely.

I was reading in my journal an entry I made the night before Jenny (now my up-line) called me and asked if I would be interested in doing Stella & Dot. It went kind of like this:
Up at 3:45 am.
Got health care and belly fat on the brain. (the silly things that creep into our minds in the middle of the night)
How am I going to pay off one and get rid of the other.
Then I listed all the things I feel we need and some I want.
Then I listed things I thought we could do without.

So far I've basically made enough to cover health care for this next month and with the anxiousness of this new venture I've lost weight. I know it's not God's will for me to be anxious but it's funny how he can even work through things like that to accomplish a desire of our heart and bless us when we look back. Right now I feel like I would much rather read God's word and spend time in prayer then eat. Food has lost it's luster. I really truly yearn for the Lord. I know he's the one that satisfies. I want to cling to him and not lose hope. I would like to see things through his eyes because it will bring faith. It's said that his unfailing love does not disappoint and I do not want to be disappointed. So tonight I will go to bed and pray for a new outlook on tomorrow, filled with God's purpose for my day.

Just Like Playing Dress Up (P)

I had so much fun at my launch Trunk Show. There weren't many people but I think it worked out perfectly. I was at a disadvantage because I had never actually been to a Stella & Dot party, I hadn't seen much of the jewelry. But Friday night I got to try it ALL on. It was a blast. The black scoop neck t-shirt was perfect with EVERYTHING too! I took some pictures because I LOVED how it displayed too and a picture of the necklace that started it all!

Is It Too Soon For This? (P)

Haylie wanted to see pictures of Hawaii so this is what I found. I told her I wanted to be right there on the hammock.

Learning So Much

It's been made clear to me this morning that IF this thing is going to succeed, it's going to be ALL the Lord that does it. He's also made it very clear He IS in it with me, so YEAH! Thank God too because I've already had some great opportunities to learn from my mistakes.

Scripture brought to me last night:
Proverbs 19:2
It is not good to have zeal without knowledge, nor to be hasty and miss the way.

Thanks Lord, I needed that. Could have used it sooner but it probably wouldn't have spoken to me if it had come earlier.

Now is a good time for one about redemption:
Psalm 130:7-8
O, Israel, put your hope in the Lord, for with the Lord is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Israel from all it's sins.

And add a little of this:
Psalm 37:23-24
If the Lord delights in a mans ways he makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand.

I like that one because it says "though he stumble" not "though he MAY stumble". When I read it or try to memorize it it seems the MAY keeps popping up in there. There is no MAY about it, we WILL stumble but we will NOT fall. In the scripture before it talks about "full" redemption. Really Lord? FULL?!?! 'Cause that would be GREAT!

I had a couple of scriptures about advice brought to me the other night that were a God send, here's one of them:
Proverbs 19:20
Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise.

I've been getting a lot of Proverbs lately. Guess Solomon was pretty wise. Your perfect timing too Lord.

Romans 7:24-25
What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God - through Jesus Christ our Lord!

Looking back over the scriptures I've written in my journal over the last two weeks, God has made himself VERY CLEAR! Now I just have to wait on him. Waiting is not the easiest, I always get tempted to DO something. ;o)

This one melts me heart:
Isaiah 30:18
Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; he rises to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of justice. Blessed are all who wait for him.

I want to be like David, a man after God's own heart. Even though he made mistakes, ones that many people paid for, God still blessed him and fulfilled His promises of great and wonderful things. Wish I could say my mistakes are over but I guess if God can use those too, then great! Dare I say "bring them on"?!?! I don't think I have to ask for them, I think they're coming one way or another. ;o)

Growing Up Fast (P)

My Mind is A'Racin'

Boy, this jewelry business has sure got me going. It's fun, exciting and overwhelming. At first, with reading about the business, I was getting overwhelmed with all the different aspects but I'm finding it to be SO MUCH FUN. Still don't even have my jewelry yet!! ;o) It's been great to have a creative outlet and the fact that I'm adding this to a couple of other things on my plate (plus always the children and the home) has actually forced me to manage my time better. Routine/structure is something I've missed since I got laid off. This is a neat way to bring some in, AND I LOVE THE CREATIVE SIDE OF IT!!! I just got done making labels, and invitations tonight, FUN! My mind is going wild thinking of display possibilities. Still have to remind myself to take it one day at a time and OF COURSE give it all to the Lord. If this is going to be fun and actually go somewhere, it's because of Him....and MAYBE the really cute jewelry. ;o)

Yes, I Jumped Off the Bridge

After a week of debate, research, discussions and prayer I have decided I'm going to take a shot at home party sales. As my mother said..."we've all done it", with a tone of disgust in her voice. Maybe we haven't all done it but I'm sure it's crossed through many of our minds. And for those of us who have tried it, sometimes even multiple times, well, it doesn't bode well for a newbie. I've been to many home parties, candles, cookware, food, purses, jewelry, make-up, home decor, *ahem* sex toys, and the list continues. So have you begun to sense the critical tone in my voice now?

So why am I doing it? Like so many moms with young children, being able to stay home and still make some income has got appeal (not to mention getting out of the house).
What company? Stella & Dot.
What will I be selling? Jewelry. Classy, fun jewelry.

To be honest it all started when I fell in love with a necklace at a wedding. The entire outfit screamed CLASS and the necklace was the exclamation point!
LOVED IT!
Found it.
It was Stella & Dot.

The story goes on, but after viewing the catalog I knew I loved every piece! Ya Right, I'm on a budget now...a shrinking one at that. Then someone suggested if didn't want to have a party, because of money, maybe I should sell it and make some instead (and get some jewelry to boot). hum.... Ya, I know it's the Stylist job (that's my title now ;o) to expand the sales department, but it actually wasn't a bad idea. It's a job. A sales job, which I never dreamed I would do or even WANT to do, but here I am. I'm excited. Not because I think I'm going to rake it in, but if God is in this then I know it will go far and serve the purpose for our family that it might be meant to do. I may not wear a lot of jewelry now but this is the stuff I could see myself in. I'm sure I'm not the only one either.

Oh, of course you WILL have to check out my website if you're reading this. It's at least fun to look even if you're not in love with the idea of spending money (I know the feeling) but please feel free to contact me when you are. ;o)

www.stelladot.com/ktmcconn

The necklace I feel in love with was the Natasha Embroidered Bid, need to check it out.

Dancing With Our Stars (V)

God's Faithfulness

I know I wanted to write about salvation but have forgotten what was running through my mind. I guess that leaves all the more room for God's words instead of mine.

I would love to get a bumper sticker or a T-shirt that said:
"Being Christian doesn't mean I'm good enough to get to Heaven, it means I know I'm NOT good enough to go without some help."

Salvation is not about good Christian principles, morals, values or even beliefs. It's about acknowledging sin, repenting and accepting Christ's invitation for forgiveness through his death on the cross.

Done deal. We can never and will never be able to earn it. It's a gift and anyone can have it. Anyone. Without it, you will literally stand alone on judgement day.

Some might not see this as truth. I guess some day we shall see.

I don't want anyone to miss this party. Just know if you are reading this, I'm praying for you, so you'd better watch out!

Five Stages of Grief

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

Definitely at stage 2. Denial happened before my uncles death, thinking that it might not happen especially after he seemed to get a little better. Now I'm angry. Mad that things couldn't have played out differently in his life. Not really blaming anyone in particular, maybe myself for not praying for him more or spending more time with him. In general, taking time for granted. I feel like this is a wake up call. It will take some major work to keep from looking back. Work that the Lord is going to have to help me with. From this point on...

1. Don't make excuses, make time count.
2. Remember what the goal is, souls for God's kingdom.
5. Love because that is what God has called us to do.
6. Speak truth because it needs to be known.
7. Pray because it's all in God's hands.

More strong feelings to write about but I might save those postings until I've worked through them more. If I really am in stage 2, not looking forward to the rest.

Eating My Words

Just about the time you proclaim something is just about the time you are faced with a challenge to what you just said. I was hopeful and certain my uncle Daryl was going to be around for a while longer despite what the doctors had told us. I had read into his very minor improvements, as several others had done, and began to wonder what was really going to happen. I was sure he wasn't going to live a long normal life, but the way things were going I thought there was more life to be lived. As the doctors had warned, it was only days after he was removed from drugs and machines that he died. It was a roller coaster that thankfully didn't continue endlessly. I'm still in disbelief. Though it wasn't completely unexpected after the events of the last month, it will be hard to say good-bye to him. As we get older, death just keeps getting closer. Not just our death, but the death of those around us. Our percentages increase and it could always be right around the corner from any of us. I was up one night this week thinking of those closest to him. Could have anyone have guessed the end to this story a month ago? How will this change the course of those close to him and to all of this? Hopefully all for God's glory which of course would also be for the benefit of all.

The Rollercoaster

And it the ain't the one at Sky Rock Farm. It's the one that the family and I are on with my uncle. We've been told twice now that the end was near and then Daryl seems to make a mini turn around. Nothing major, his prognoses is still grim, but sometimes he seems to be making baby steps in the right direction. Seems whatever is going to happen is going to be slow. God's still in it, so I'm glad. One day at a time I guess.

My Mom and Dads Surprise Party (P)

I started planning a combined surprise 60th birthday party for my parents just before I got laid off, sent out the invites end of June and prayed for good weather. Saturday was a TAD bit windy, especially being close to the lake, but it went well. The element of surprise was really in my court since my dad turned 60 in March and my mom doesn't turn 60 until November (so don't tell her she's 60 yet! ;o) I had a TON of help, so grateful I didn't have to do it by myself and it was so nice to see everyone.

Death and Dying

We all think about it especially when we lose someone close to us. My uncle Daryl has been in the hospital for a month now and, as my uncle Jim has stated, will never be released. The last time I saw him was at my cousin wedding mid-July. He was sharing with everyone that we had prostate cancer and was going to have surgery to remove it (or what ever they do). No matter what he told us I think the truth of it all was in his eyes. He did not look hopeful. It turns out there was a lot more going on then just the cancer, which has been revealed over the last month. The cancer brought him in but the liver and kidneys are taking him out. The fact of alcoholism is still of great debate in our family. Some say for sure, some say no way. His son, which he lived with, is one who has said it is almost certain. I really risk pissing some people off by writing, if anyone will ever read it, I don't know. Sure I saw the guy drink, we all did. But like with so many people, who could ever be sure of how much? For years now I have seen a similar look in Daryl's eyes. I could be reading too much into the events of his life, but I saw a broken man. In many ways I see a broken family. Now, I don't have any brothers and sisters so I don't know how it goes, but it seems to me like many family's suffer from distance and disconnect. I'm biased. If I had brothers and sisters I would hope they would be my best friends. I've created brothers and sisters for myself out of my friends and in-laws. All I want is to break the silence and dwell in the truth but perhaps that is too idealistic/unrealistic to the reality of family structure. It, however, is exactly what God wants for His family. I know that much. I don't know if it is God's will to heal my uncle, so far I am not getting that vibe. I keep praying to find peace, especially for Daryl's salvation which is the greatest of all treasures and I'm sure something God does want most intensely if Daryl does not already posses it. That is left in Daryl's hands/heart, just as it is with all of us. I wondered in the darkness of my bedroom last night how it must feel knowing that death is just outside the door, waiting. I could almost imagine the fear and loneliness. I would hope that for myself, as well as others, I would be able to bring Jesus into that darkness, to find peace in the comforting promise of eternal life with Him. The comfort that comes from having the familiarity of a friend at my side though it all. And not just any friend, my Father in Heaven, my Creator. I just need to hang on to that mental picture and pray for it for Daryl.

I need to go. My mother has called and made it clear that once they stop the medications/machines later this week, death is certain. Life with Jesus, only God and Daryl know for certain.

Oh No! (P)

I've had so much I wanted to write about the last week or so but my hard drive fried. Good news...I got my computer back after daddy rescued me AGAIN. Bad news...all my pictures are gone. I MIGHT be able to pay some company A LOT of money to get them off the old hard drive IF they are not damaged. As of right now... lesson learned, back up pictures.

I'll write more later but for now...a picture fresh from this weekend. A weekend a WITHOUT kiddos.

No Hope At All

So if one does not have hope in God, then what does one have hope in?

Hope (verb) = to expect with confidence
Hope (noun) = someone or something in which hopes are centered

Joy (noun) = an emotion evoked by well-being, success or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires

Peace (noun) = freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions

I tired to copy and paste Psalm 33 here but for some reason it won't let me...what's up with that?!?! Enemy...is that you?!?

WrAstling (V)

A Day at Sky Rock Farm (P)

Who knew there was a place like this right here in Medina?!?! Well, Tommy did because he helped sheet rock the inside of the huge building that houses several calliopes and a small carousel. That in addition to all the outdoor rides. The story? Guess the owners just wanted too. It's a neat place. Hope we can go again. The lines are A LOT shorter here then at Valleyfair or Como park. No biggie if Tommy had to bring his own grease gun to grease the old rollercoaster because it kept getting stuck at the top of the first hump.

Mirror Mirror

If you don't like what you see in the mirror, try not looking in it for a day or two. I think we get sick of looking at ourselves. The more we look the more we find wrong. I've heard that super models don't always think their that pretty. They are infront of mirrors and looking at pictures of themselves all the time. If we stop looking as often, we will be more likely too see ourselves with a fresh new prospective when we do look. More the way God sees us, a beautiful creation.

An Emotionally Trying Week

The end of the July is always the busiest time of the summer for us. We had plans to stay at my parents house most of the week but that quickly changed after Haylie pushed enough of my buttons and I pulled the "we'll go home" card. There was no turning back. Hopefully we won't have to deal with that again since I was sure to follow through. Coming home was hard but I know I did the right thing. Once home Brady got some kind of a bug or something too. Both of the kids have been whining and testing me constantly since we got home. I'm beside myself as to what to do with them. Brady can't talk so he is screaming all the time. Haylie of course takes that as her que to join in and I totally understand why she doesn't get that she can't scream even if Brady is. There most be something I can do about Brady but have not figured it out yet. Tommy handled our return well and supported me in my decision even though it meant the loss of his bachelor pad for the week. He was on a mission to work on boats and the yard with us gone. We've tried to stay out of this way. Can't believe the weekend is already here. So glad Tommy's sister and her family are coming this next week and that our trip to the cabin is the next. I know I'll get through some how.

Until They've Walked a Mile In My Shoes (P)

July 2009

August 2007

Snippity-Doo-Da

Tommy's "procedure" went well on Friday and he managed to walk out of the clinic without doing anything awkward, perhaps just a little slower then usual. It's weird to think it's DONE. I think he's enjoyed the attention and the opportunity to share his story with all his curious male friends. Kind of like women's labor stories. I did all I could to let him have his moment and not interject my own comments in comparison to what women go through annually at their OB appointments, not to mention BIRTH. He was back to work today and a little worn out from it all. No horror stories. I'm sure the thought of wild uninhibited sex (with me of course) has helped keep his mind on the prize and not on the current sufferings. ;o)

The story continues...

After our walk tonight Miss Haylie ran in to see dad and I picked up a little out side. When I walked in Haylie ran to me right away and started telling me she'd written with my pen and marker (she tells on herself a lot). In our bedroom I found my bible open and highlighted. I closed the book and shoved her into bed. While I was putting Brady down I started to wonder what it was she highlighted reminding myself that God wastes nothing. It took me a little bit to find it, but find it I did. It was Genesis 17, the covenant of circumcision...where God tells Abraham he will be the father of all nations even though he and his wife are SUPER old. Hummmm...what does that mean?!?! Even though we scientifically ended our chances of having children, IT COULD STILL HAPPEN?!?! Granted, I know there are follow up tests, which we fully intend to do, and there is still protection to be used until they come back "empty", but come on, seriously?!?! What a waste of money it would turn out to be!

It did also say (about circumcision) "whether born in your household OR bought with your money". My whole reason for putting an end to "all this" was because I don't want to be pregnant again. If for some reason an opportunity to adopt a child in the future ever presented itself I would not be completely opposed to the idea. Right now I don't want any more children, but in a few years, who knows. There was a women at church who spoke of a need for child from Peru to find homes. We also met a really neat couple who are missionaries in Mongolia who adopted a girl there in their later years. I don't know if this is how God plants a seed or not but His will be done.

Anniversary One

I can't believe it's been a year since I started this blog. To be honest it feels like it should be so much longer...so I actually should be saying, I can't believe it's only been a year!

I look back once in a while and see what I was thinking and posting. Fun. I just wonder what will happen to all of this. I would love for my kids to see it someday. What will happen to the Internet over the next ten, twenty years? Will I lose interest in posting things? Does anyone actually read this? Yes, that is kind of a loaded question. ;o)

I'm really happy to be home with my kids. I could see myself going back to work but I can't see myself leaving my kids all day again. For those of you that say you could never stay home full-time with your kids, just remember, like everything else you adjust and it becomes your new reality. Since April 20th of last year I have only worked four months. This is my reality now. It took about four to six months post lay-off to feel comfortable (and slightly sane) but it has come. (Kind of makes me wonder if that's why they set the FMLA act at three and not any longer.) I still don't now how long I'll get to stay home. Kind of think the unknown is forcing me to be at peace with the here and now. So far we have been making it every month financially. What will happen when we have to start paying for health care or when the unemployment runs out or when winter hits and Tommy gets slow? G O D.

Last night I was sad thinking about any possibility of having to leave my kids again. Through my tears I actually thought "if God can't make this work then what good is the bible (His word)?" I don't know if it was a God inspired thought or thought of rebellion planted by my flesh. I lean towards God inspired only because I have to have something to hope on. I found a proverb that was interesting and that I decided to dwell on.
Proverbs 10:22
A blessing from the Lord brings wealth and He adds to no trouble to it.
Not that I expect wealth but I really like the "adds NO trouble to it" part.

I never intended to write so much tonight but there it is.

End Of An Era

It happened today. I went to the Plymouth LTF and there was no trace of me in the computer. Of course it didn't help that my membership card has been missing for about a month and I still don't know what happened to my Drivers ID today. As I was digging through my bag trying to find my ID, they asked my last name, then my address, and finally my phone number. Then it occurs to me they are not trying to verify who I am, there trying to find my membership period. Well then, no magical date, just donzo. I've been a member at Life Time since high school, and not just a member but an ACTIVE member.
Of course I was all pumped to workout AFTER my membership disappeared so I got it in my head I should check out the Snap Fitness down the road. It was the most awkward experience, I didn't know how to act. Most of my time spent in competitors clubs in the last 9 years was spent lying to the people about why I was there. It was almost a confession as soon as I walked in the door. I was antsy as the sales guy talked about the club because, really, I knew everything already. Hell, I could see everything from where I stood! And $40 too! I have a hard time with that because you get so much more at Life Time for about $20 more. Granted, a lot of people never use the other stuff (let alone their memberships period) and it's really a way just to rope people in with the attraction that it's available to them. I, however, did use most of the gym and so I will miss it. There was a day when I thought I would teach aerobics until I couldn't anymore. Not having a membership at LTF was never even a possibility, and yet here I am. I wonder what is going to happen to my body. Will I have enough imagination and motivation to keep it up, especially during the winter?
I can't think about it right now, one day at a time.

Summer Under Way (P)

So I Walk into the Room...

Funny story. The fam went to a wedding this weekend, the first of five (so far) this year. It's getting late and I'm chasing the kids around the Arboretum in Chanhassen and I walk into the reception hall to see Haylie sitting on her dad's lap giving me the finger. Yes, "the finger" with a sort of bewildered smile on her face. I walk closer, thinking to myself " I can't BELIEVE he taught her that", when another thought enters my mind, "oh, she's trying to show me an owie." Needless to say, the next morning as Tommy lay in bed trying to ignore the rest of us, I tell him "you've got to see what Haylie was showing me at the reception last night." Right on cue, Haylie gives her dad the finger. Ya buddy, that's what you get for trying to sleep in in the morning. ;o)

Blessed by Sticking It Out

F R E E, that spells free, creditreport.com baby! Just kidding.

Haylie knows how to spell free and the story goes like this...we were all in the bathroom one day while mommy was going potty and she pulled a coupon flier for a local grocery store out of our bathroom reader basket. She opened and said, "look mom, free ice cream!" I told her that was very good and explained it was "buy one get one free." I also told her that whenever she sees that she should tell me. Got to take advantage of FREE, ya know.

On the news the other night I saw that Como Zoo was offering free rides during the week from 4pm to 8pm. Kind of off hours to be venturing into the city, but I couldn't let that stop us from taking advantage of it. So I gathered some other moms and their kids and planned a trip. Yes, I knew it was going to probably be busy but I don't think I GRASPED that is was going to be busy. We got there about 3 and struggled to find parking. Then we struggled to move in the zoo once we got in the entrance. The rides were open, but they weren't free until 4. At 4 the rides were swamped and the zoo opened up so we did the animals for a while. After about an hour or so of that, we braced ourselves and headed for the rides. I so wanted to bail standing in line for our first ride for the spinning tea cup but I knew I had to do at least one ride. After the one ride I suggested we finish some of the zoo stuff and then try again. The zoo closed and I let my kids run free in the grass as people headed for their cars. I told the other mothers I was thinking about leaving. They however had already been persuaded by their children to stay and didn't want to fight traffic trying to go home anyway. A brief thought came to me..."I invited them, who am I to cut out now?" So we stuck it out and did two more rides, which took another hour. It really wasn't too bad standing in line. We had snacks which kept the kids entertained and we took pictures which guaranteed we'd have fond memories to recall. I'm SO glad we stayed. I feel like I was blessed by sticking out. Being an only child, I really didn't have to stick things out if I didn't want to, my parents were usually pretty accommodating. It may seem so simple and silly to some, but it was a great lesson to me. Just because there is resistance and it's uncomfortable doesn't mean it's not worth it. It was a bonding experience of sorts with the other moms. And like I said, we have pictures to prove how much we love our children.

Cutting the Strings

Ok, so June 1st has passed and I'm still on unemployment. I had said I wanted to make a decision on whether or not I was going to stay home and, if the answer was yes, I was going to stop my unemployment. If it's Gods will for me to stay home than I believe that I need to get rid of the crutch, stop trusting in the government and in myself, and start leaping towards faith. The BIG question is, does God want me to stay home? That brings me back to the layoff. I remember finding out it was going to happen, the shock, sadness, fear, and RELIEF that came with the news. I truly believe that I never would have quit my job myself and that I never would have stayed unemployed in any other market. That brings me to a whole other subject. It's one thing to know what God's will is for you, it's another thing to let Him take you there. There have been times that I knew God wanted something to change in my life and I tried to change it myself. Sounds silly, but when I tried, it didn't work, I would fail. But God hits the mark every time and you KNOW it's God doing it. I KNOW God took me out. So do I trust God enough to wait for Him now? Am I keeping my ears open to his calling? Somethings going to have to give sooner or later because I can see this path cannot continue the way it is, WE cannot continue with things the way they are. God, move or move us!

Strong Man (V)

My Adventures with Vampires

Back in high school I TOTALLY got sucked to the Vampire Chronicles series written by Anne Rice. Not too unlike what I hear people are doing these days with series that Twilight is based off of. I heard recently that Anne Rice had become a "born again Christian". SO COOL! After accepting Christ as Savior I realized my intrigue with her novels had much to do with my own search for something greater than myself. I thought the first three books were awesome. The following books got a little too spiritual for me so I never finished the series. From what Anne Rice's website says, she now dedicates all her new books to Christ. I will have to try reading one some day. Anyway, I just thought it was so cool. If anyone else is interested here is a link an essay she wrote on her site explaining the changes in here life and her writing.
http://www.annerice.com/Bookshelf-EarlierWorks.html

Something Silly

Because I need it. Random thoughts...

Today I burped up watermelon and thought cilantro would go really well with it.

The other day Brady came toddling through the kitchen with a dopey smile on his face. Even Haylie, who had been whining to me about something, had to smile.

They should SO make 12 and 24 packs of soda with a variety in it so when people tell you to bring soda to a small gathering you don't have to buy a ton of soda that won't get drank.

If I won A LOT of money I would fix our house up the way I've always wanted to and give it to our church so they bestow it to families in need.

I applied for a job at DQ today. Haylie was thrilled!

I'm annoying to watch the movie Spaceballs with because I have memorized so much of the dialog that I can't help but to repeat it. I was the same way with the Jane Fonda workout video I had in high school. One of the reasons I became interested in teaching aerobics.

I don't know how much more the "willabee wollabee" elephant can sit on.

I'm SERIOUSLY addicted to garage sales. I get excited when I see signs, I browse Craigslist all the time, I will scrape up change just to buy something, and am bummed when I don't have time to stop. I'm also seriously grateful for them, thank you to all that have them.

Sometimes I would much rather talk to myself because I ask all the good questions and am genuinely interested in the answers.

Can't Believe It

I love watching as Tommy challenges God and then God answers. We had another one of those nights tonight. Last week Tommy's semi blew a motor. A LOT of money later (we decided the best course was a brand new motor for his current truck instead of a junk yard motor or a new truck) Tommy is asking "WHY GOD?!?!". Tonight we were talking about it again. Then I left to workout because Tommy was done talking about it. When I got home Tommy tells me an member of our Elder board called and said they want to help. Not sure what the "help" is going to be but the call alone was an answer.

I have mixed emotions about receiving money from our church. I just don't feel like we need it THAT much or are worthy of it for that matter. I know it's not about that though. This is God's way of blessing us and showing us that He remembers us. We need to put our pride aside. We need to thank God. He made us worthy of the gift and that IS the gift.

1 Peter 1:3-9
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade—kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God's power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.

The B Word

In our Crown Financial class we were taking, the term "budget" was not used because of the negative connotations that come with it. We used the term "spending plan". After recording our spending for two fairly normal months, I have come up with a rough draft of our "spending plan". Holy S#*T!! We are truly a two income family. I can shave off a little with, what I would perceive to be, some pretty big changes. Bigger changes that would need to be seen could be selling a car, getting rid of cable and Internet, and selling the house. Actual lifestyle changes. What now? I find it hard to believe that God would somehow make money appear. Even to meet us half way is going to be hard, for us of course, not God. I know that anything is possible through God. It's our behavior and attitudes that make me doubt God would throw money our way. I don't feel that we, either one of us, are very good stewards of what God has already entrusted to us. Why would He then entrust us with more? To top it all off, Tommy's truck broke down near the SD border last night, leaving him stranded. From what Tommy has told me so far, it sounds bad. Tommy does not have a good track record when it comes to trucks, so this is pretty much par for the course. I do trust God's hand is in this. I'm not worried...yet.

Let them Eat Cake (P)

Pictures from Brady's first birthday.

My little helper who had trouble keeping her hands to herself.

Three bags of powdered sugar later...now I know why people have to pay so much to get a cake done for them, it ain't no piece of cake. I feel like it took all day. Of course that could be because I was also taking care of two children.

End result...he ate the whole piece and did so very seriously.

Learning So Much

Two books and one workshop later, I'm beginning to learn how much I have to learn about being a parent. How have I made it this long without realizing it, I don't know. Maybe because I was working full time or because Haylie is just getting to THAT age or maybe I just wasn't able or willing to accept the responsibility. Not only am I learning about parenting, I'm learning that I am as strong willed, selfish and disobedient as my 3 year old. All this knowledge makes a person really look at what they are doing themselves that is reflected in their children. I AM a spoiled brat. For years I thought I escaped the stereotypical "only child" rap, but I haven't. Everything was catered around me growing up. Not to my parents fault, there simply was no competition. Ah, I know I turned out OK and I know my children will too, all credited to God's mercy and grace of course.
Side note...someone said to me that mercy is what we receive while waiting for grace. Kind of makes sense, but I think I will have to ponder that one a little more.

As far as the family goes...Daddy is busy with work and for some crazy reason has decided that taking on all these side jobs will some how give him more time to be with family in the long run. If Tommy wasn't burning the candle at both ends already, this should pretty much burn the whole thing up at once and then some.
Brady is happy and healthy. His one year percentiles have really slowed down which puts him more in the 50's. Fine by me, my back really can't take any more.
Haylie's school year will be ending soon and we'll have to form some kind of a summer routine to keep the sanity. I do see some improvement in her behavior, but she's still bucking strong. Even through the struggles she manages to say and do the cutest things. Oh, the things she picks up on.
I'm still looking for a job, kind of. Have fully thrown myself into the job at hand, my home and my family. I will say it again, this is the most challenging job I have ever had in my life but I'm adjusting to it and beginning to really enjoy it and almost look forward to it everyday.
I'll be sure to post more pictures soon.

I Am Mommy, Hear Me Roar

I'm reading a book called How to Have a New Kid by Friday (in 5 days). It's filled with some basic principles about parenting. The main theme...You're the parent, DUH! Take charge. Don't let them grow up dysfunctional because you spent their childhood trying to make them happy. The author takes about how many parents today try to create a "Disneyland Experience" for their children. I know that I haven't a clue how to be a parent. I know that there are physical needs that need to be met and that they need to be loved, but how do I shape them to be responsible adults with a sense of self-worth? WOW, that's pretty deep! Anyhoo...it's been a great read and things have been going well. I have not really yelled or spanked in several days. (Haylie was getting spanked AT LEAST once a day there for a while because I didn't know what else to do.) This book is awesome, totally recommend it. It's relevant for kids of all ages and it's written by a Christian (though there really is no mention of God other than once or twice, it's more of a practical guide with a firm foundation in common sense.)
Thanks also to the people who passed on advise.
The last chapter of the book (the whole thing is a short read) is called Fun Day (Friday) where you implement everything and watch the looks of confusion on the kids faces. Got to love that!

He Has Risen! Happy Easter! (V)

The Thrill Of the Chase

What is the deal with always having to chase kids? I'm constantly chasing after Haylie. To get her into her pajamas, to get her out of her pajamas, to get her into the car, to get her out of the car, to put her into her "time-out" after pummeling her brother... Some might see it as good exercise and I would have to agree IF it also didn't include the exercise of my patience. ARG!! What should I do? For instance...the park. Last night we went to the park. Miss Haylie did not want to get into the car. I could have done(and have done) the chase which sometimes ends in punishment. I've tried psyching her out and getting in the car and starting to drive away. Last night I had time so I just sat in the car until she got bored of it and finally came to my side of the car and said she was ready. PLEASE HELP!! All of these ways seem to let her win. If I chase her then she gets chased, which I'm pretty sure is what she wants. If I wait in the car then she gets more time doing whatever it is she's doing. If I pull the car away then I'm afraid I'm raising the bar and it could get worse and worse as she learns I won't really leave (and I won't, I promise ;o). Are there other options I'm not thinking of? Let me know what you think, anything is welcome.

It's Me Birthday

Love inspires. When I feel really loved I feel like I could do anything. My cup over flows. The warm fuzzies, as I used to call it. I know I'm loved every day, it's just that some days I don't feel it or don't stop to realize it. This is my birthday prayer...may we all remember our warm fuzzy moments and let them inspire us to love others whether they are lovable or not.

1 John 4:19
We love because he first loved us.

I Can Hardly Handle it

I drove two hours tonight to my parents house without the kids. It's been over three years since I've been here without a child in tow. It's weird! I don't have to be quiet, I didn't have to have to chase anyone to get them into PJs, and I don't have to worry about a little person getting me up in the middle of the night. This will only be the second night since Brady was born that I have not had kids. As I drove off tonight I felt guilty. If I had let Tommy know how guilty, he probably would have run with it. ;o) I miss them but am so glad for this time away. I remember my first big trip away from Haylie. She was about 16 months old and I was gone on a business trip for two days. She was asleep when she and Tommy picked me up at the airport. When we got home I took her out of the car seat and brought her to the changing table in her room. I remember the dazed look of confusion on her face that eventually became a very happy smile. I can't wait to see that same smile on Brady's face.

Just Like Back in the Day

I woke up very dehydrated today. I'll stop you right now and say I wasn't drinking last night, I promise, though there was a time in college it could have been a possibility. Anyway this morning I got up and went to the bathroom and felt like I was going to puke. Once I made it back to bed I started to feel better. WEIRD. Ok, I'll stop you again and say...I'm not pregnant either! After I laid in bed for a while I remember that that's how I felt most days back in high school. The nausea and headache would last until about noon. It wasn't until I was older and had experienced a hangover (and knew what caused it) that I realized what the deal was back in the day. I hated drinking water, so I didn't. I can't believe how much can be changed just by drinking enough water, headaches, constipation, leg cramps, your complexion... Check this out... http://www.romow.com/health-blog/health-benefits-of-drinking-water/ and then ask yourself...have you had enough today? Heck, if I had drank more tap water, maybe I would have better teeth too (fluoride). If you want to see some health benefits, try drinking enough water for 21 days (the amount of time it takes to make or break a habit, so I've heard). It's never too late for a New Years Resolution! Let me know if you do it and it works. I'll be trying harder to drink more water too.

Sleep...AT LAST!!

Sure, he's cute, but he can sure be a pain when he's getting up once, twice, three times (or more) a night screaming. I finally got the confidence to let him scream without feeding him. Haylie never gave us this much trouble at night so it kind of caught us off guard. I should have "weened" him of his night feedings a LONG time ago, but it was not until I started tracking his sleeping and eating patterns that I got the push I needed. Most could have told me he wasn't starving, the kid is a heavy weight, but because of nursing I just wasn't sure. The good news is I'm now done nursing and we've started to form a pretty good schedule. He is still a night owl, up until 10:30 most nights, but the great thing is I don't hear from either of the kids until about 7:30 in the morning (or later!) This I can handle. ;o) I actually feel normal again!
Here's some pictures of Haylie and daddy cleanin' the semi this weekend.

Potty Possible! (P)

We did it! (insert Dora song and dance here). It took just over six months but it's a done deal. Haylie is potty trained. We started June 14th of '08 and by her birthday we were down to an accident a week. Now she's going through the night without a pull-up and getting me up if she has to go potty. She still doesn't always wipe, flush or wash her hands if she goes by herself, but we'll get that part down too. I don't know how people say they can potty train a child in a weekend. Maybe if we had started this last weekend. I guess each child is different and so is their path. All I know is that we've got one kid down, one to go. ;o)

Cross Between Bumper Cars and Air Hockey (V)

Coincidentally...

My sleeping problems started the same time I started taking my women's bible study Wednesday mornings on prayer. Hmmm...

Why did it take me this long to add it up, maybe because this week we are reading about answer to prayer and these two scriptures were a couple of the highlighted ones.
2 Corinthians 12:7-10
To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Luke 22:42-44 (Jesus prays on the Mount of Olives)
"Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
(In Matthew and Mark it is stated that Jesus also pleaded three times)

Trick Tommy's Truck (P)

BEFORE
AFTER

Isn't it Crazy!

The bible says...
"No one can serve two masters. Either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and Money." Matthew 6:24

A story was shared with me this weekend about how people who work on railroad tracks get so used to the sound of trains that it's not uncommon for them to get hit while working because they don't hear the train coming. Can you imagine NOT hearing a train approaching WHILE STANDING ON THE TRACK!

Our country has become so backwards. "No interest, No payment, until 2010". What ever happened to layaway? Too slow? Have now, pay later...don't wait. BE HAPPY NOW. Big houses, fancy cars, nice furniture, new clothes... Our wastefulness too. How about a bite size brownie pan that you can buy now at Target that allows you to make brownies in little squares (like cutting them has become too hard). Rental storage units will certainly be in demand even in this economy because of all the stuff we own and don't use or need, especially if we lose the house we were once able to store it in.

No problem, it doesn't cost much or we'll make the money and pay for it...eventually. And we will...

All this, even after God tried to remind us that it all belongs to him and we should trust in Him to provide. EVERY PIECE OF MONEY HAS "IN GOD WE TRUST" WRITTEN ON IT. EVERY PIECE! Do you you think we got a little used to getting things ourselves and on OUR time rather than "trusting in God"? And now the train is approaching.

Do you here the horn?

I don't know about any of you, but I want to be free. Our Crown Financial memory scripture for this week...
"The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is servant to the lender. " Proverbs 22:7

If you are interested in finding out more about the financial freedom God offers feel free to contact me or click on this link http://www.crown.org/ .

Room to Roam (V)

My Little "Super Star" (P)

My little girl...ahh, how wonderful she is. The last couple of weeks she's formed a "crush" on a little boy at church who is a year and a half her senior. He started out as "the big kid in the purple team shirt". This little man's name is Andrew. We hear about him all the time. "I love Andrew, he's my friend", "He likes to tease and chase me", "Can Andrew come over and play?"

Time vs. Money

It really is true, either you spend time to have money or spend money to have time.

Tommy and I started a Crown Financial class a couple of weeks ago. It's a biblically based financial class that teaches what God has to say about our finances. I've been thinking about hiring a financial planner, what better one then God? Surprizingly, the bible says A LOT about money, and NOT just about giving to the church. Many great principles to live by. The first week we had to read a 168 page book called Your Money Counts. In addition to giving, it talked about earning, spending, saving, investing, getting out of debt and SO MUCH MORE. It really has been an inspiration.
Now the question is...

Money vs. God, who will we serve?

I Have a Dream...

Not to make light of Martin Luther King Juniors dream, it was a righteous one, but I too have a dream. I long for a few days without a set schedule and no responsibilities. I think it's what some might call a "vacation". I would love to get away from my house and be able to sleep in, take a bath, watch movies, read, take walks, and just sit around to my hearts content. Maybe it's the time of year, being all cooped up inside, bored of looking at the walls. More likely it's the dull drum routine of watching kids and trying to keep a house in order from the crack of dawn to the dark of night. I've had a few nights away in the last few months, but I honestly can't remember the last time I had a true vacation. December of '04? Over the last few years when I HAD paid vacation time it was spent taking care of my kids because they were sick or because we didn't have daycare. I might have taken a DAY to run errands and maybe do one selfish thing like shop or lay outside in the sun for an hour. Is it just that, selfish, to want a few days all to myself? Do other people take/have time? I know I'll get myself in trouble if I say single people have a vacation everyday. The grass is always greener, right? (I don't want any nasty e-mails, I glad to be married, most days). I would like to blame Tommy for my lack of time, but I know he would say "GO". However, discussing time with him would be like... "Leave! But Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays and Fridays until 8 don't work for me and neither do Saturdays during the day. So go ahead and take Friday after 8 and then Saturday after 4 (or as close to that as I can be home) and then we'll see you on Sunday for church, right?" Of course he can take off for days without worry. That's the other part of it. "Without worry". I know I could leave the kids and they would survive, but the house would be a different story. Is it worth taking a few days only to come home to have to work twice as hard to bring the house back in some kind of order (when I say "some kind", I mean with no dishes and somewhat picked up, I'm really not that picky.) Tommy's time with the kids usually consists of him sitting in front the the TV trying to play with them while watching his movie/game/show. Or he will run errands to NAPA for parts for something he's fixing. (Haylie screams "NAPA" whenever we pass a sign for the store.) I know, I'm a control freak!! I can't get everything my way and I will be miserable trying. I could probably take a month "off" and it still would not be enough. I doubt getting what I want would fulfill me and give me the rest I desire. I keep correcting myself and saying I need God, not necessarily time off. If God wants me to have time off, he'll provide it for me, and it probably won't be in a form I would expect "time-off" to look like. (Sorry for all the " ") I love my kids. They are beautiful and full of life. If only I could find joy in them and rest in God, not to mention peace with my husband, but that's a whole different desire.

The Best of...

After organizing to make the best use of our storage space and creating a schedule board to make the best use of our time, I have one major project left...a budget, to make the best use of our money. I REALLY want to live on the budget even though I'm probably not going to be thrilled with all aspects of it. Our sermon at church was about financial planning today and they are offering a class that starts next weekend. When I say I really want this, I mean with all my heart. The good news is, I know God wants this for us too so it will happen one way or another. ;o) In this market, I think everyone is making efforts to cut back but I want to go all the way. We need to spend what we have with purpose. I want to leave a legancy and set a good example for our kids. As my sister-in-law quoted "live like no one else now so you can live like no one else later."

Spring Cleaning a Little Early

I decided if I'm going to make staying at home my new job, I had better start running a tighter ship. First thing of order, organization. Closets. They are the root of the problem in this house. They were never cared for properly. As Brady is moving and getting into things more, I find the need to put things up and away. But where do I put them? The motivation is there I just hope I can keep it up. After the big clean up? A new schedule. If I'm going to be home with the kids all day everyday, for their sanity and mine, we need to have more structure. Not sure what that will look like yet, one thing at a time.

What He Wants

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12
Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

This is one of the scriptures I ran across this morning. I broke it down like this...
"A quite life, Your own business." Don't stray from the things God has given to you and put you in charge of.
"not dependent on anybody." I think there is a difference between spiritual/financial dependency and mentorship. It's GOOD to have mentorship, not good to have dependency. The only exception...God. I do believe we are to be depend on God.
I don't know, like I said, something that I was reading this morning.

Vi's Dedication (S)

Boy vs. Girl (V)

Drama

I find myself having a good unexpected cry after an ex-coworker sent me an e-mail in response to the one I sent that had an attached cover letter of mine she was proof reading. She said "you are a wonderful person and had more responsibility and influence than you think you had at LTF. Be proud of what you've done, and it isn't immodest to let people know!" Is it true? I want to believe it is. I had no idea there was still so much emotion there. I've been so busy with my kids I have not had much time to feel the pain of leaving the Life I once knew. Perhaps my "desire" to stay home full-time IS out of fear of the unfamiliar rather then God's direction. Being with my kids all day has been exhausting hard work, perhaps more than God desires for me. Maybe it's been exhausting hard work because I have still not surrendered my days at home to Him.
I'm finally ready to apply for my first job. I have confidence in my resume, a cover letter that needs just a few minor adjustments and a position posted on Monster.com that has sparked some interest. There is hesitation to send it out to multiple places. Do I want to apply JUST to apply and get some experience in the the process or do I cherry pick the ones that are interesting and seem I'm suited for? One job at a time, right? ;o)
Thanks Kristine, you've been comforting and encouraging, you're strength inspires me. Thanks to everyone for your guidance and help. I miss everyone SO MUCH. Sometimes it's just not fair but Life goes on.
Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light."

What Day is it Again?

I feel like I'm even busier now then when I was working. Maybe it feels that way because of the lack of a schedule. I can never remember what day it is. Tommy's lack of a schedule doesn't help either. I forget other people actually have to go to work. Being home has certainly been the hardest job I've ever had. Tommy tried to get me to clean up after his big dinner mess because he had already cleaned dishes before he started and then labored for well over an hour making his dead bird (yes the lovely thing still had it's head, with which Tommy even used to pretended to talk to me). I firmly reminded him that while he was doing his thing I cleaned Haylie's poopy pants TWICE, Brady's puke TWICE, played with the kids, gave them both baths and feed them. He cleaned the rest of his pans. Nobody is getting of easy around here. The reward...two kids in bed. In approximately eight more hours and we can start it all over again. OK, now I see my co-workers point...it does feel a bit like the movie Groundhog Day.

On the Move (V)

Up and Running Again

Picked up some nasty little viruses last Friday. I won't mention any names, but it wasn't my fault. :o) They are pretty sneaky, so it's really not "this other persons" fault either. I promise he was not looking at PORN! :o) I'll write more later. Got to thank my dad, my very special personal IT staff. THANKS DAD!!